Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Long before that, I knew her when
Knew her smile as though my own reflection
Can even now resurrect the adolescent inflections
Of the voice that haunts my resting.
Knew her before now
Back when her hips were wide with promise
And curves led boys to chase manly dreams
Knew her when first she got braids
Twisted them like knots in school boy bellies
When she winked her rare green eyes
In no specific direction.
She knew her glances left grown men
With erections she could use
to her benefit.
Knew her before her father found proof
Of her indiscretions, so when her footsteps
Came in my direction to ask for shelter
I with no hesitation took her in.
Did not know her womb would fill three times
With clinic rid, unborn children.
Did not know her full lips would occupy
Both seduction and addiction.
Just knew that she was beautiful and earthy
Thick as red clay pots drying on rocks
Soaking up heat without knowing
Sun sealed shapes can't know further molding.
Knew her before the system did
Knew her after her pastor did
But failed to realize what lay hid
Behind those long, fake eyelashes.
Long before that, I knew her when
She and I were young children.
Before she was too far gone
As I was too far away
To wrap my arms around her shrinking frame.
Before I could convince her
That her value was in more than hips and contorted legs.
Was worth more than boots and packs
More than riddled tracks upon battered, sunken skin.
Before I could empower her with truth and fact
She fell back
Long, long before that,
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
hoping to cast a spell on his mind.
His adoration not the focus of mine,
as I perceived our journey to be a path
which could eclipse reason,
no restraints to bind.
I sketched his face a hundred times,
yet the pencil failed to capture his image right.
In my visions his eyes reflected the firelight
and I could not
Slate metamorphic, rhapsodized on one side
Poetic verse devotion, loyal to the plight.
The terminal we departed from for the unison flight,
Hanger of preconceived notions,
incurable, yet contrite.
Like finding a needle in a haystack,
so convinced his train of thought was on track,
But that fallacy was derailed
The rhythm of his tell tale
Didn't beat when it was impaled
By the shards of glass
which made his crass
Like a prism, infinity reflects the light of discretion,
the symmetry of the triangular projection
holding the volume of his dreams,
right angled secession.
clarity of logic refracts the spectrum.
Now my illustrations will go sight unseen,
as I place the enchanted papers between
the pages in my journal
Monday, September 21, 2009
The sun greets me each morning and I wake feeling disconnected from its warmth. Shadows linger in corners as I reach out to touch my fingertips to my mirrored reflection.
Days have turned into weeks, years folding inward to months.
The only constant is the lake and the secrets it keeps for us.
Often I have considered revisiting the edge of summer waters where once we loved. But I am weak. I have seen the lake through the trees and am frightened. I fear if I visit those shores, the memories of you won't be waiting for me.
Your death has caused me to have a mournful amnesia. I no longer recall what life was before you. The girl I was while we were together is now gone forever.
I should have stayed with you when you called for me. Youth made of me a fool.
Fingertip memories still haunt my wrists, reminding me your touch as I tried to walk away. I struggled not to tell you how I was simply reacting to circumstances for which I had no control. I struggled not to return to the comfort of your collapsing arms.
I was too young to realize the ramifications of my cowardliness and so, I said nothing. I left you there, as your eyes searched the water for answers, even as your voice called the name I will never again allow a man to call me. I lost you and my identity there on those banks.
My steps were the beacon of desertion, though my bewildered heart lingered there with you. God, how I wish now that I would have met your eyes with my own one last time. I should have smiled at you as reassurance that the "4 ever" we wrote was the forever we meant.
Tortured by "what could have been" scenarios, regret plagues my mind.
Hectic paces of life incite short span reprieves from longing. When again you visit me during restless slumbers, I feel like I have betrayed you. I awake crying too often, as the remembrance of your voice harasses me in ghostly callings. For me, there is no escape.
"Your heart won't let you forget me and neither will I," you said once. I hate that you were right.
Violence stole from us the opportunity for me to right this wrong. Pistols shot any chance I had to apologize for killing myself in this process. I pray now you knew I was unable to retrieve from you my love.
They say that you have no grave marker to show where your body lies. I have not, nor will I ever visit that place to know this for certain.
I prefer to instead think that you wait beside the water's edge waiting for me. Muscular outline of the shoulders which once held me with ease shadowed in midnight suns. I stand behind you, your eyes liftly slowly. I see again the mischievous glint in your eyes which first intrigued me.
I hear your call, but can never seem to get close enough to reach you. Perhaps I finally should turn to walk away from you, as once I did before. But, I am can not do so, not as long as I am still able to see the water through the trees.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
negates fruitless contemplations.
Acceptance of frustrations,
far too many have evolved complacent.
Strength is not physical prowess,
rather it is the spirit resurrecting the prowl.
Standing in the face of aberration
the condemning of edification,
as tainted opinions
are leering down
Yet you refuse to look at them,
for you are looking past them,
and through them.
Visions seen through the reflection of your past
emblazing the very waters your soul drinks from,
as your purpose
As you recognize that "One Nation Indivisible"
does not mean that your thirst for unity
can be quenched by opportunities
to accept a sip of malice,
offered by callous
brothers who would not spit on you
if you were on fire.
And the fire that burns
from the core of your pain
ignites a fury in your brain.
Enraged, your soul exclaims
"You do not move me!"
You do not move me
with your animosity.
You do not move me
with your ignorance,
or your insufferable stupidity
or the disgusting words
you chose to describe me.
You do not move me
when you push me.
I do not just stand here before you,
I stand AGAINST you.
I do not just accept your hatred,
I thrive off of it,
I consume and ingest it,
molesting it with the truth
you can not steal from me.
You do not move me,
and you can not change me.
You can not silence me
and the silent things you are
thinking of me,
only serve to fill me
The power of unity
which you detest,
is the unity which we possess,
For this I will hold no regret.
The pressure that once pressed
against my temple
is now pressed against your hand,
as my temple
Though you only see
one woman standing defiantly,
there are legions of women
men and children behind me,
in support their spirits uplift me,
to sustain me.
So shove your idiocy,
and absurdities against me,
and you will most assuredly see,
You do not move me.