To my ex's new girlfriend: Though unconventional, I hope you pay heed to a few suggestions I wish someone would have previously gifted to me.
#1: Her ego is like pay day loan interest rates...grossly inflated, yet when she expects high returns on her investment, reciprocate what she supplies readily. The sound of her laughter is worthy of installment plans, and I will loan you memories guaranteed to make her happy once again if she ever loses the light in her eyes.
#2: Wear an oxygen tank at all times, as she will jump head first into the depths of your heart and suffocation will ensue if you don't think first to depressurize her expectations. But with each struggled inhalation, she will remind you how good it feels to be alive.
#3: She is not the Messiah, but has a tendency to raise women from the dead in Lazarus fashion, breathing life into tormented vessels as her steps are passing through the valley of dry bones. Live again after she has replenished what is needed in you, but don't let her gift fool you into believing she has an endless supply of regenerative sessions. She is empty at times and needs refueled too.
#4: She is soft in voice, giving and desires only to be loved. Don't make the mistake of neglecting her needs as I once did, never take advantage of her or I will be to see you. You do not want that day to come. You have been warned...with love. :)
Finally, #5: Enjoy every moment she dotes on you, spoiling and loving in ways others should take lessons from, but be mindful that her warmth is fleeting. The shade she casts should you ever wound her will leave you forever afraid of the dark, that shrouded space always serving as a reminder of the loss of her.
And though you might forget much of what I've here said, please retain this one thing... don't make the mistake of neglecting her needs, never take advantage of her or I will be to see you. You don't want that day to come. You have been warned...with love.